The Secret Life of JG*

Life is crazy! (Thank you 2012)

This time last year I was in Milan, Italy with the Beau after spending Christmas in Paris. I wrote this: Thank You 2011! I thought 2011 was the best year ever. I couldn’t believe how blessed I was. 

But let’s power through 2012. 

I came back from 4 awesome months in Italy. Reverse culture shock aside, it was great to be home. 

I got super in shape and was looking super sexy despite being in my last quarters of Business School. :-p

I GRADUATED BUSINESS SCHOOL AND RECEIVED MY MBA!!! Say what!?! Since I was 9 I’ve wanted to be a “business woman”. Now I’M IS! I have a fantastic job, I’m a brand manager for a really cool brand! I literally go to work like WOOO HOOO! (Sometimes. What they didn’t tell me was being black in corporate ‘murica was scary. I mean hellllo! I have natural hair!) 

Oh… yea*.. and then this happened. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgepR9Km80o&feature=player_embedded

I got engaged. (Read the whole shebang here :-p) I swear I cannot watch that video without feeling super lame/giggly/excited/all of the above. 

Since then it’s just been a crazy back half of the year. My birthday was spent partying it up in Cincy with the OTR crew. 

Wedding planning has been fun/relatively easy. Thank the Good Lord for this MBA y’all. All of our wedding planning info is in easy to read excel spreadsheets with linked formulas and all. LOL The Beau with his attorney skills went into negotiation mode and got us all sorts of great deals on everything. So now we’re months away from the big day, but we’re pretty much done planning, and we’re cruising in way under budget! Yey! No debt, no stress, so blessed! (haha corny) 

T.B. and I spent Thanksgiving with his family, and Christmas with mine down in Florida. Great times. We’re both so blessed! We have bonus families that love us both, and I truly couldn’t imagine life without.

2012 beat out 2011 by far. T.B. and I have the kinds of stories that we’ll one day have to explain to our kids before they go away for that summer in Spain, or to study abroad in Paris. LOL When they ask us why they can’t do this or that, and tell us that we have no idea what it’s like, we’ll have a story for each one of those moments. 

We are out here living. I tell folks all the time. 2009 was the year I made the decision to never live in the past or in pain. I would be happy above all else! Let’s break down what has happened since that moment.

In 2009 I met the Beau. In 2010 I moved to Ohio & also started B-School. In 2011 I moved to Milan, Italy! In 2012 I graduated and The Beau Proposed. In 2013 we’re getting married. 

Make the choice. Be happy! I don’t make resolutions or look at calendar dates to benchmark change, but I do vow to be happy. Every single day. No one or no thing is perfect, but somehow I always find the silver lining. Somehow.

Bring on 2013! (Oh, and in 2013 I will have a new blog. I know! *LOUD GROAN* haha) 

JG* 

How much God is in me?

Allow me to rant. :) 

So last night I came across something that absolutely made me pause and think, so much so that I’m still thinking about it today. Jezebel posted an article citing a Reddit poster that tried to shame and mock a Sikh woman for not succumbing to western societal and, one could argue, secular expectations. You should check it out. Essentially the target of the mockery replied, and then the original poster apologized. I don’t want to really get into a dissection of the implications of that exchange. However I want to talk a little bit about the God/Godess that resides in those of us who recognize a higher power.

I want to say that Balpreet’s response to the person who sought to humiliate her was sobering. To see such grace, and such strength, and such confidence was amazing and eye-opening. You see the religious extremists who shout and scream theirhatebeliefs all the time. Whether it be by protesting the funerals of fallen soldiers or through the remnants of a suicide bomber. However rarely do you see the true grace and kindness in the face of adversity that this was. Balpreet was not ashamed, humiliated, or even mad. You could feel the genuine love dripping from her words. I was moved.

It made me think.

I grew up in the Christian church and was a very active participant up until my move to Ohio. Really I stopped because it was hard to find a home that was *exactly* like my Church in Atlanta. Another reason was that I was exposed to hypocrites that I allowed to discourage me. More on that later. Many of us claim to be good people and we do so because most of the time others do not know what we’re thinking. Those of us that associate with a given religion or claim any sort of spirituality often speak about the tenants of those associations that most align with our current actions and words. When we act or speak outside of those things we tend to justify them somehow i.e. “God knows my heart” or “Nobody’s perfect.”

Valid.

But you know what? I see a lot where those of us who cling to a religion tend to fall extremely short of living up to expectations. And I’m not really talking about all the many laws, rules, and commandments that are outlined in the texts. I’m really thinking of the big picture. When I personally take a step back and think about was Jesus was about the big picture is glaring to me: LOVE.  We fall short like crazy here. We cannot always control what others do to us, but we can control how we respond/react. Balpreet is a shining example of that Love. Granted her religious beliefs are different from mine, I’m speaking from my point of view. A personal example is recently someone tried very hard to ruin my happiness following the news of my engagement. This person is a vocal Christian (I use vocal to say this person makes it constantly known their religious preference and it is widely acknowledged as the influencer of their actions) and their “attack” against me was very unprovoked and baffling. I was confused why someone who claims to practice the same love of Jesus would attempt to hurt me, someone that had never done anything to them. I chose in that moment to respond not in anger or pain, but gracefully. Yet still I wish I could have displayed the same grace and love as Balpreet did.

Another example is another vocal Christian in my family that is currently on a rampage to destroy our close-knit family out of their own pain and desire for vengeance even if we become collateral damage in the process. I strongly want to ask this person “Is this truly the God in you?” I don’t think so, but the God in me keeps me silent and prayerful that their pain is eased and their desire to destroy is put to rest. I mean I log onto social media daily and see folks that are quick to shout out their religious superiority constantly tweeting or posting the same “Ugh I hate when people LOOK at me” or “I’m so angry I could scream” or “so and so are getting on my nerves” or “today is NOT my day” (< — I see posts like this from some people EVERY day). It’s baffling to me because as Christians shouldn’t we be glad in every day that is made? Again, I figured maybe I just had it wrong.

In the end I finally analyzed myself in this world. Do people often see the God in me? No I don’t think so. I’m admittedly ratchet due to my love for certain things and so I often feel that I’m not worthy of God’s love, but the truth is I receive it anyway. Just like everyone else I like to think I’m a good person, yet I have no idea how one would truly be able to gauge that. One thing though I realized is that I truly never wish or will anything bad or harmful onto others. It amazes me how many self-proclaimed religious and spiritual people do this, and do so openly. When I see others acting in ways that are hurtful to others, and then turn around and justify their actions through God, I admit that I’ve been pushed away. I’ve allowed their interpretations of God influence me into thinking that clearly I have this whole thing wrong. If they claim that their rude, judgmental, and cruel ways are cool with the Big Guy, then we cannot be talking about the same Creator, and so I defer to them.

True nobody’s perfect, and even though I try not to, there have been times when I’ve wanted to go off and tell someone who has attempted (or maybe even succeeded) to hurt me where to go and how to get there. However something always stops me. Either I say something nice or I don’t say anything at all. I *DO* think that is the God in me whether others see it or not.

But back to Balpreet. I say again her beautiful response was full of the things that God is made of no matter which “version” of the Creator you worship. Not only was she confident and forgiving, but she truly gave glory to God in a way that my mind couldn’t even fathom. I wanted to stand and slow clap for her. The cool thing was the person she responded to actually came back and apologized! I’m sure she could have cared less but maybe in some way it was gratifying. Something I’ve seen floating around on the internet that I’m sure she’s mastered is “Life will be a whole lot better when you accept the apologies that will never come.” That’s freeing.  I would say that in the past 3 years life has been unreal for me. There is no way that these things could have come to pass without something out of this world having my back. So I give 100% of the credit and glory to God. My closest friends know that my struggle as of late has been fear that bad things happen to good people. The fear that since I’m not in church every Sunday God will smite me and take it all away. The fear that those that have all but said ‘I’m praying for your failure” will actually succeed. In response my friends have showed me the God in them, and allowed me to lean on them in prayer and they have worked overtime to ease my fears.

Amazing.

Balpreet’s post made me think, and I finally stopped waiting on the apologies that will surely never come. I will also be more purposeful in my responses and interactions with people. This life is but a small piece of the puzzle.

Thanks God!